How to Deal with Divorce and Look After Your Mental Wellbeing

Regardless of how long you have been married, the shift from being a married person to becoming single again is one of the most significant life changes that you can experience.  There is no such thing as an “easy” or “painless divorce”, even when the legal side feels straightforward, the emotional impact can be overwhelming.

Even if you are the person who initiated proceedings, it’s completely natural to feel sadness, pain, or even grief for the life you once imagined with your partner. Every difficult emotion that you may be feeling right now is normal and legitimate.

Although it’s important to recognise and feel difficult emotions as part of your healing process, maintaining an overall positive mindset is important through a divorce so that you can make the best decisions for yourself as you look towards this new chapter that awaits.

In this guide, we’ll explore the mental health risks linked to divorce, the impact on children, and practical ways to stay positive and support your wellbeing throughout the process.

What are the Mental Health Risks of Divorce for Adults?

Separation and divorce are among the most stressful life events a person can face, and it’s common for mental health to be affected during this time. Research has shown that divorce is linked with poorer health outcomes, including a 23% higher risk of early mortality. Men can be particularly vulnerable, with studies suggesting they are more likely than women to experience negative long-term health effects following divorce.

The emotional impact can vary from person to person, but some of the most common challenges include:

• Anxiety: Divorce often brings uncertainty about finances, living arrangements, parenting, and the future in general. This worry can become overwhelming and may present with physical symptoms such as a racing heart, sweating, or agitation.

• Depression: Feelings of sadness, loneliness, or a sense of lost direction are very common. Some people experience changes in sleep or appetite, a lack of motivation, or in more serious cases, thoughts of hopelessness.

• Anger: Anger is a natural part of grief. During divorce, it may be directed towards an ex-partner, oneself, or even friends and family. While normal, unmanaged anger can place further strain on relationships and wellbeing.

• Guilt: Many people feel guilty about the breakdown of a marriage, especially if infidelity or conflict played a role. This can fuel negative self-talk and feelings of unworthiness.

• Social isolation: It’s not unusual to withdraw socially during divorce, but reduced support networks can increase feelings of stress and depression. Maintaining connections with friends, family, or support groups can make a big difference.

That said, it’s important to remember that most people adapt well after a separation. A 2014 study found that nearly 80% of individuals could be described as either “average copers” (reporting stable levels of life satisfaction and health with minimal depression) or “resilient” (experiencing high life satisfaction, good health, and very low levels of depression) after divorce.

How to Help a Child Deal with Divorce?

Parental separation can be difficult for children, with research showing increased risks of adjustment problems. These can include:

• Academic challenges such as lower grades or school dropout.

• Disruptive behaviours like aggression or defiance.

• Emotional difficulties including sadness, anxiety, or depression.

However, the good news is that most children of divorced parents are resilient. They adapt and continue to live happy, healthy lives. Even so, some may still feel anxious about the future; for example, how major milestones like graduations or weddings will be handled when both parents are present.

Parents can play a vital role in supporting their children:

• Keep communication open. Encourage them to share their feelings honestly, without fear of upsetting you.

• Reassure them of stability. Make it clear that both parents will remain involved in their lives, even if living arrangements change.

• Avoid conflict in front of children. Shielding them from disputes helps reduce anxiety.

• Seek professional help if needed. Family counselling or child therapy can provide safe spaces to process emotions.

These supportive measures play a vital role in addressing divorce and children's mental health concerns. If you’re unsure where to start, a family solicitor can guide you on creating parenting arrangements that prioritise your child’s wellbeing.

How to Protect Your Mental Health During Divorce

It’s important to be aware of the potential impact divorce can have on your mental health, so you can take proactive steps to look after yourself during this difficult period. Here are some practical ways to protect your mental health while navigating divorce:

1. Recognise the courage it takes to divorce 
   Many people remain in unhappy marriages because of fear, whether that’s fear of change, of being alone, or of taking risks. Choosing divorce requires real bravery and self-respect. Remind yourself that wanting more from life and choosing to move forward is something to be proud of.

2. Allow your emotions to surface
   Divorce doesn’t just change your lifestyle; it can also stir up memories and feelings of loss, abandonment, or loneliness. Rather than suppressing these emotions, give yourself permission to feel them. Cry if you need to, write in a journal, move your body, or even scream into a pillow. Setting aside a short “release time” each day can help prevent emotions from building up and resurfacing later in harmful ways.

3. Be kind to yourself
   Self-compassion is vital during this time. Make space for small acts of care that bring calm and joy, whether it’s taking a bath, reading, listening to music, or simply resting. Positive affirmations such as “I am worthy and valuable” or “I can overcome any challenge I face” can be powerful tools when your mind drifts towards negativity.

4. Practise gratitude

   Spending a few minutes each day writing down three things you’re grateful for can shift your perspective and strengthen your resilience. Gratitude helps refocus the mind away from pain and towards positivity, improving both mental focus and physical energy.

5. See divorce as a new beginning
   Divorce does not mark the end of your life, but rather the close of one chapter and the beginning of another. Ahead lies new opportunities, growth, and even the possibility of love again. Remind yourself of the people who care about you and want to see you thrive. By taking one step at a time, you can carve out a new and fulfilling path forward.

Life After Divorce with Guidance from RJS Family Law

Divorce can feel overwhelming, but it’s also an opportunity to rebuild with strength, resilience, and self-compassion. By allowing yourself to process emotions, practising gratitude, and focusing on the future, you can protect your mental health and move forward with confidence.

If you’re going through a separation, RJS Family Law is here to guide you. Our solicitors offer clear, compassionate advice so you can focus on your wellbeing and the fresh start ahead. Contact us today, we’re ready to listen.

FAQs

• What are the psychological effects of divorce?

  Divorce can affect people in many different ways. Common psychological effects include feelings of anxiety, sadness, anger, guilt, or loneliness. Some people may also experience depression or social withdrawal. These reactions are a normal part of processing loss and change. With time, support, and healthy coping strategies, most people adapt and rebuild a fulfilling life.

• How long does it take to heal from divorce?

  There’s no set timeline for healing. Some people start to feel better within months, while for others it can take several years to fully adjust. Factors such as the length of the marriage, the circumstances of the separation, and the level of support available all play a role. Healing is a gradual process and seeking professional or community support can help you move forward more smoothly.

• How do I protect my mental health during divorce?

  Taking care of your wellbeing is essential. This can include building a support network of friends and family, practising self-care routines, exercising regularly, and seeking counselling or therapy if needed. Even small daily steps to manage stress and focus on your future can make a big difference.

• How can I support my children through divorce?

  Children can be deeply affected by divorce, but most are resilient when given stability and reassurance. Be honest in an age-appropriate way, avoid conflict in front of them, and make it clear that both parents will continue to be part of their lives. Professional support, such as family counselling, can also be helpful.

• Is it normal to feel guilty about divorce?

  Yes. Many people struggle with feelings of guilt, whether for initiating the separation, the impact on children, or simply the fact that the marriage ended. Remember that guilt is a natural part of grief, but it doesn’t define your worth. Working through these emotions with a professional can help you let go of self-blame.