How to Bring Up the Sensitive Subject of a ‘Prenup.’
In the UK, prenuptial agreements are not legally binding in the strict sense. However, the courts in England and Wales are giving them ever more consideration when deciding upon any financial settlement, particularly following the landmark case of Radmacher v Granatino. This means that discussing the issue of a prenuptial agreement with your partner is a sensible and responsible way to plan for the future.
Although prenuptial agreements were once viewed as something only the wealthy needed, they are now becoming increasingly common in the UK, as couples of all ages and incomes strive to protect their finances in the event of a divorce. In fact, a study by the New Yorker shows that nearly 40% of millennials and Gen Z couples have signed prenuptial agreements, a dramatic shift from previous generations.
We recognise that learning how to bring up a prenup can feel daunting. The conversation can seem unromantic or even suggest a lack of faith in your relationship. However, when approached thoughtfully, discussing a prenup can actually strengthen your relationship by promoting financial transparency, mutual respect, and open communication.
Why Consider a Prenup?
Before learning how to talk about a prenuptial agreement, it's important to understand why these agreements have become increasingly popular and sensible for modern couples.
The Changing Landscape of Prenups
Prenuptial agreements are no longer just for the wealthy or those with significant assets. They're becoming a standard part of wedding planning for couples who:
Marry later in life with established careers and assets
Have experienced divorce in their families and want clarity
Own businesses or intellectual property
Have children from previous relationships
Want to protect inheritances or family wealth
Have significant income disparities
Simply value financial transparency and planning
The Benefits of of Prenups
Financial issues are a common source of marital stress. By discussing a prenup, you're essentially having important conversations about money, values, and expectations, discussions that every couple should have regardless of whether they sign an agreement.
These conversations can be illuminating and lead to frank discussions about how you'll organise your financial affairs during the marriage as well as in the unlikely event of separation. Many couples find that the prenup process actually brings them closer together by fostering honesty, transparency, and mutual understanding.
How to Talk to Your Fiancé about a Prenup
A prenup conversation tends to go best when it is handled early, calmly, and with a clear focus on fairness.
Start early. Aim to raise it well in advance of the wedding, so neither of you feels rushed. This also gives you both time to think it through and take independent legal advice.
Pick the right moment. Choose a private, relaxed setting and set time aside for the discussion. Avoid bringing it up in the middle of an argument or during a stressful patch of wedding planning.
Keep it practical and balanced. Explain that the purpose is clarity and protection for both of you, not a prediction that the relationship will end. Be honest about your reasons, whether that is a property deposit, a business, family assets, or simply wanting agreed financial boundaries.
Make it a conversation. Ask what your partner’s concerns are, listen properly, and be prepared to adjust the approach so it feels fair on both sides.
Agree on the next steps. If you decide to explore it, the key is that you both provide full financial information and you both get independent advice. A prenup should be something you agree together, not something one person imposes.
Common Reactions and What to do Next
When you are thinking about raising a prenup, it helps to plan for how the conversation might land. The aim is not to “win” the discussion, but to make sure you both feel heard, have the right information, and have space to decide what is fair.
If your partner feels hurt or defensive
Pause and acknowledge how it feels for them, rather than trying to justify it immediately.
Bring the focus back to clarity and fairness: a prenup is about setting out expectations and protecting both of you.
Suggest agreeing some ground rules for the discussion, such as keeping it respectful and taking breaks if it becomes emotional.
If your partner worries it means you expect the marriage to end
Reassure them that the purpose is planning, not predicting failure.
Explain that it is easier to make sensible decisions now, when you are both on good terms, than later under stress.
Keep the conversation practical: what you both want to protect, and what would feel fair if circumstances changed.
If your partner says it feels unromantic or awkward
Accept that it can feel uncomfortable, especially if finances are not something you have discussed openly before.
Move the conversation to timing and approach: agree when you will talk again, and keep it away from stressful moments.
If your partner assumes prenups are only for “wealthy” people
Talk about the real reasons couples choose them, such as:
protecting a deposit, property, savings or an inheritance
safeguarding a business or future interests
making sure children from a previous relationship are provided for
agreeing how finances would work if one person steps back from work
Keep it balanced: focus on what matters to both of you, not just one side.
If your partner asks for time
Give them time. Avoid rushing or pushing for a decision quickly. Agree clear next steps:
both of you gather your financial information
both of you take independent legal advice
set a date to revisit the conversation once you have had time to reflect
Remember: for a prenup to carry weight, it should be discussed well in advance, with full financial disclosure and proper advice.
What Not to Do when Discussing a Prenup
How you raise a prenup matters. These are the common missteps that can make an already sensitive conversation much harder.
Do not blame other people. Even if family members have raised it, you should own the conversation. If you appear to be passing on someone else’s demands, it can feel like pressure rather than a genuine discussion between the two of you.
Do not hand over a pre-drafted agreement. Turning up with a document already written can feel one-sided and rushed. A prenup should be discussed first, then prepared properly with input from both of you.
Do not issue ultimatums. A “sign it or the wedding is off” approach rarely ends well. It can cause lasting damage and may also raise questions about whether the agreement was entered into freely.
Do not bring it up at the wrong time. Avoid raising it close to the wedding, during an argument, in front of friends or family, or when either of you is under pressure. Choose a calm, private moment when you have time to talk properly.
Do not make it one-sided. A prenup should be fair and workable for both partners. If it is heavily weighted to one side, it is more likely to create resentment and less likely to stand up to scrutiny later.
Approaching the Prenup Conversation with Confidence
Talking about a prenup does not have to feel daunting. Many couples find it helps to approach it as a joint conversation about your wider financial plans, or to do some research together before you decide what feels fair. If the discussion feels difficult, a neutral third party such as a counsellor or financial adviser can also help keep things calm and constructive.
A prenup should never feel rushed or one-sided. The focus should be clarity, fairness, full financial disclosure and independent legal advice.
If you are considering a prenuptial agreement, RJS Family Law can guide you through your options and help you put a clear, practical agreement in place. Get in touch to arrange a confidential conversation.
FAQs
Are prenuptial agreements legally binding in the UK?
Prenups are not automatically legally binding in England and Wales, but they can carry significant weight if they are prepared properly. Courts are more likely to uphold a prenup where it is fair, both parties entered into it freely, there was full financial disclosure, and each person took independent legal advice.
When should we start discussing a prenup?
Ideally, as early as possible. A prenup should never feel rushed, and leaving it too close to the wedding can create unnecessary pressure. Starting early gives you both time to consider what feels fair, share financial information, and take advice before anything is signed.
What can be included in a prenup?
A prenup usually sets out how you would deal with finances if you separated, such as property, savings, investments, debts, and in some cases how you would approach spousal maintenance. It can also deal with things like how gifts or inheritances would be treated. The key is that it needs to be clear and workable in practice.
What cannot be included in a prenup?
You cannot use a prenup to avoid your responsibilities towards children. The court will always prioritise a child’s welfare and can make different arrangements if needed. Clauses that are clearly unfair, vague, or unrealistic are also unlikely to help and can reduce how much weight the agreement carries.
Do we both need independent legal advice?
Yes, it is strongly recommended. Independent advice helps ensure each person understands what they are agreeing to and that the agreement is entered into freely. It is also one of the key factors that makes a prenup more likely to be respected by the court.
Can we update a prenup after we get married?
Yes. If your circumstances change, you can review and update arrangements. Many couples choose a postnuptial agreement after marriage, particularly after major life events like having children, buying a home, or receiving an inheritance.